Hey its been 11 days since my last update so first off I want to pass on the thanks for your views, your kind words and your prayers. Â Yes my life has changed and I think I am riding the wave instead of it riding me. Â There are moments, just moments mind you when it changes places with me. Â But hey I know I am winning.
Winning ..... hey I sound like Charlie Sheen....LOL. Â Oh no...
Any way, my wife left Saturday the 10th and oddly enough, hard to believe she called me when she arrived around 1pm in MI but that has been the last time we spoke.
Oh sure, I have tried to call but no return calls. Â I tried to reach out via a friend of hers and tried to reach out over facebook and guess what..... I got blocked, i got blocked, sigh....lol through all of this pain of losing her I can still 'chuckle'. Â So it goes.
Remember it is what it is until it isn't.
So........ A friend from work gave me this video the other day....he meant well I know. But after watching it I had to share and type out my thoughts of it.
The movie, a chick flick for guys I think, For the Love of the Game with Kevin Costner and Kelly Preston. Â I like both of them, I really do.....
So the movie is about this 40 year old pitcher in the big leagues who falls for a girl. Â The pitcher Billy Chapel (played by Kevin Costner) pitches for guess what team... yeah the Detroit Tigers, my wife I met near Detroit where she now lives near. Â This was not a good sign, should of and could turned it off right there. Â But nooooooo.......lol
I will tell you in a bit why my friend wanted me to watch this movie, it was a good motive trust me.
But Billy Chapel falls for Jane Aubrey (played by Kelly Preston) a young single mom of a teenage girl and tries to balance his MLB pitching career, the travel, the fans, the work with his heart, of course baseball wins out most of the time and baseball to him is everything.
She live in NYC and he visits her during the Yankee series and she falls for him.
They start to get serious, pitcher gets hurt, almost loses career and he pushes her away because he feels week around her and can't balance his love of the game.
She breaks it off and moves back to NYC. Â She falls for a new guy, pitcher dude gets hurt realizes what he lost and tries to move on .... tries key word.
Fast forward to him trying to win her back and she does not show up the night before his big game, she shows up at the hotel the next morning only to tell him she is leaving for London for a job. Â He stiffens and acts like it does not matter....it does right....lol
He pitches the next day and throws a no hitter against the Yankees, arm in pain, shoulder in pain and she watches the game at the airport skips the flight to London.
Now, not much drama left in the chick/guy flick, no guy gets girl and happy ending once again. Â The good old tear jerker plays out and roll the credits.
House here, dark and empty.
Oh well, so my friend at work wanted me to watch this movie because Kevin at each pitch says the three magic words that blocks out all the noise at Yankee stadium.... the words
"Clear theÂ mechanism" Â .... everything gets blocked out and he focuses on one thing throwing the next pitch. Â I'm in sales of course and the mechanism the brain has to be clear so you can focus on the guest and the sale of course. Â Thus the clear mind works better and it helps the paycheck of course.
So he meant well of course. Â Typing this means well of course too.....
So I will do my best to keep clear in my head. Â My kids love me, I have them. Â I do have friends and above all I have faith in God above. Â God is everywhere and I know he is in my life and heart.
I am truly grateful for this gift to write and share.
I am truly grateful for your kind words, emails and prayers.
I am truly grateful for life.
Do I miss Janice, my wife.......... sure I do, I married her, I love her........
Does it bother me that she seems to have pushed me aside......not called at all......
Sure it does....but maybe just maybe my love was not enough.
Maybe this is how she is coping with all of this......hard to say, hard to know.
You can't deal with loss with out grief and pain. Â A friend at work told me that too.
You can't time heals the loss and life does go on.
One door is closing another will open some day.
Like a browser window on my MAC, it opens and closes just as quickly.
We must be aware of that, progress slowly of course but look for the windows.
So my passions for now are God, my kids, my dogs of course, my career and my love of writing here and on my blog and web site. Â A plug here www.makemesmileonline.com almost 3 years old now......lol
I am proud of it all.
God is good and sometimes even in grief and tears the growth continues regardless.
The help to wash away the pain and so does his word.
So thank you for letting me share my movie night, back to the real world where the guy does not always get the girl. Â He does not always pitch the perfect game, but sometimes just getting to pitch is enough.
A quote from the movie I share here.... I feel these words and I lay may head down tonight, (on the flip side of that pillow, the cool side of course) Â knowing I did all I could. I was not enough but I did all I could
Billy Chapel: I used to believe, I still do, that if you give something your all it doesn't matter if you win or lose, as long as you've risked everything put everything out there. And I've done that. I did it my entire life. I did it with the game. But I never did it with you, I never gave you that. And I'm sorry. I know I'm on really thin ice but, when you said I didn't need you... well last night should've been the biggest night of my life, and it wasn't. It wasn't because you weren't there. So I just wanted to tell you, not to change your mind or keep you from going, but just so you know, that I know, that I do need you.
On to a better dayÂ tomorrow and smiles to you always : )
Till next time ......